Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
