I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
