i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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