I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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