We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i came on her dog
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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