Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
