Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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