I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dignity is for republicans.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
