Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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