Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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