just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
