dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize