He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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