Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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