Kiss
Puke
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
