How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
