then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
