to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
