True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
