overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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