So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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