Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
