I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We are two peas in an std pod
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
