Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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