umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
