4 words: hood of his car
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
