mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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