My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
