I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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