Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
