Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
