just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
