No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When are your genitals available?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
