then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
