I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
