There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
