I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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