I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize