Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
