He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
