I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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