I will die if light touches me.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
