that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
