I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
