i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize