I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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