She's JV to your varsity
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
