Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
