this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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