so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
