Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
