i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
