It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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