why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
