Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize