So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
