So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
