YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
