he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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