she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
