last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
