he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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