I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize