I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
