Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
