Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
