He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
