What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
