He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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