you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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