next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
