I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
