i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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