Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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