I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
