i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
