Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
