Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
