yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
