Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
