I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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