When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
