In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
