I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
