I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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