Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
