please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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