he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
